WRITE A PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT WITH YOUR THOUGHTS IN MIND!

Writing down a personal mission statement that flows from your heart, from the inside-out is a great way to stay grounded. Write it with two concepts in mind. First, to become more grounded in who you are, remember that we all become what we think about. Second, ensure it’s in harmony with your true feelings and emotions. A philosopher once said, “The easiest thing in life should be…to be happy.” I agree, but so many people are unhappy because they don’t realize how powerful that statement is and, consequently, they become what they think about. Dwelling on bad thoughts can be habit forming. But so can dwelling on good thoughts. Let’s try something- deliberately try to think about what you’re thinking about. Sounds foolish, doesn't it? Not really. Perform this exercise:

Exercise: Sit & Don’t Think! Sit in a chair and relax. Close your eyes and spend 10 minutes breathing gently and not thinking about anything. Guess what? Thoughts will begin surfacing from your subconscious into your consciousness. You, or anyone else, cannot stop the thought process.

We are habitually thinking creatures! Researchers estimate the average person thinks 10,000 thoughts a day. Whew! If we sleep eight hours a day, that leaves 16 waking hours, or 960 minutes. Each one of those seemingly 60-second miniscule moments of your day is occupied by roughly 10+ thoughts. In-between them, I know not what transpires…maybe elevator music?


If we are continuously thinking, contemplating, and reflecting about things in an unintentional and involuntary way, how much power do we have to think about things in a more deliberate and planned manner?


Pay attention to what comes to your mind while waking up, brushing your teeth, eating, working, walking, and while performing the myriad of daily, mundane tasks. How many of your thoughts were negative? Positive? What did the silent language, the internal thoughts in your mind say? There’s nothing wrong with thinking negatively now and then, but if your internal dialogue donates an inordinate amount of time to negative thoughts, even a glass of Chateau Mouton Rothschild, 1945, a $220 bottle of Johnnie Walker blue, or a Prozac & Paxil high-ball won't save you. Unfortunately, many who never came to realize the power of positive thoughts made Johnnie Walker their best friend.


A great personal mission statement will only come through with positive, not negative, thinking. Keep thinking about the 10,000 thoughts that pass through your mind each day. How unpleasant it would be for you to confront your daily demands with harmful, pessimistic, and just plain unproductive ones.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

WHEN MIDLIFE CRISIS COLLIDES WITH MALE MENOPAUSE- 6 CAVEATS

It's quite a collision for many, so I'll try and add a little humor throughout. Here goes. As you trek through the 45-60 age range, you’ll wave goodbye as the last child fledges the nest; watch over your once omnipotent parents wither away; witness a retreating hairline and advancing midsection; realize you will never become famous or own a professional football team; and understand what your remaining life doesn’t hold.

Instead of vaulting out of bed to “seize the day”, you stretch a bit and flounder until another body part becomes operational. Then, you sit behind a grand desk at a job position you exhausted an epoch of sweat to arrive at, only to feel boredom and dislike for your career. Peggy Lee’s 1970 hit song “Is that all there is?” takes on a whole new meaning.

Enter male menopause or a drop in the male hormone testosterone and some peculiar behaviors arise. I offer 6 caveats:

Caveat 1- Don’t become a macho guy. You know, the inflexible guy who notices middle age in his wife before himself and becomes champion of “happy hour” at the local pub? While your middle-aged wife gets hot flashes, you mutate into a “buck rabbit”, prowling for youthful women with soaring estrogen levels to compensate for your plummeting testosterone level. Don’t deny your midlife crisis, dump the male macho poppycock and quit trying to age as disgracefully as possible…less you become a disgrace.

Caveat 2- Accept the ticking biological time clock, your fading “manliness”, the passing of youth and the imminence of old age. Don’t get defensive about the changes- if your wife thinks you made a wrong turn and that you might be lost while driving, don’t fake it and pretend that you know exactly where you are. Turn to her and say, “Well, how ‘bout that. You’re right, honey. I’m going to stop and ask for directions.” Well, maybe that’s asking for too much…but you know what I mean.

Caveat 3- Learn a lesson from women. After all, if Eve missed the rib-off, none of you would be here. When I’m frequently in my doctor’s office, I examine support program brochures and find that programs for women outnumber those for men by three-to-one. Since such programs evolve out of expressed needs. I don’t think your reluctance to admit to personal difficulties more so than women is the best route to take.

This leads to Caveat 4- Economics. Joining a male midlife crisis support group is more economical than buying a plush Harley Davidson and trying to impress young women while wearing a baseball cap to cover your baldness and gulping down Viagra at $15 a pill. Accept the weight gain, lower sex drive, erectile dysfunction, muscle loss, hair loss, memory loss, and the need to get up throughout the night to urinate. You guys fork out over $1 billion annually to battle receding hairlines while Pfizer spends $425 million annually pushing Viagra, Levitra and Cialis into your already fragile psyches. They know that a third of you in your 50‘s and half of you in your 60‘s suffer from erectile dysfunction.

Caveat 5- Stay positive during your social, hormonal, and chemical transformations. At least you won’t accumulate cellulite and, heck, I think every notch your libido drops, your IQ raises by 10 points. Your manhood ain’t gone, brother…just reduced a bit! Your deep, male voice won’t disappear, nor will you get hooked on watching daytime soaps or ordering stuff from the Home Shopping Network.

Lastly, Caveat 6- Tune out the “Culture of Youth” that permeates America. When you’re watching the last fortress of midlife-manliness, a national football league game, you’ll never witness a beer commercial featuring a balding guy with a beer belly. You‘ll see a bunch of “flat-bellied” kids in their twenties partying with girls young enough to be your grandchild. Ignore them.

MIDLIFE CRISIS- TOP 12 RESOURCES!

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State University. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

ADHD DIAGNOSIS AT AGE 4

Family Journal takes issue with the new ADHD Diagnosis recommendation by the New American Academy of Pediatrics. Their treatment guidelines for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder say ADHD can be diagnosed in children as early as age four, and that Ritalin and similar drugs are an appropriate treatment even for those youngest kids with persistent symptoms when behavioral-management strategies don’t work. Many ADHD medications are only approved by the FDA for kids aged six and up, but physicians can use them off-label if they wish.

Family Journal believes many caveats should be considered when diagnosing ADHD in such younger aged children. For example, "behavioral management strategies often fail to work for emotionally disturbed or depressed children. Before deciding on a strategic intervention, how about a proper diagnosis? Children who are actually suffering from childhood depression or who are emotionally disturbed do not act like depressed adults do. Instead, they may be irritable and over-active. What a shame to misdiagnose their true conditions with the ADHD label, put them on Ritalin, then ignore the true cause of their “ADHD-like” behavior. The correct prescription, such as family therapy for a dysfunctional family producing emotionally disturbed children will not be prescribed and things will worsen. A “definition by exclusion” is the appropriate way to go. Once all the other possible diagnoses are ruled out, then try the ADHD option.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

LET THE HOMEWORK WARS BEGIN!

Please take the short Homework Poll.

School's begun...and so have the homework wars! Many parents fret because their children's grades plummet. Others complain how their children seem to “forget” to bring assignments home, take forever to begin working on them, and hand in messy and incomplete work unless they stand over them. For many pointers on how to prevent this from happening, read: SCHOOL HOMEWORK- THE EVERLASTING PARENT/CHILD BATTLEGROUND

Yes, welcome to the universal parent-child battle ground! Parents and educators have challenged the value of homework since the early 1900’s, but whenever the amount of homework decreased, grades and test scores plummeted.

Keep encouraging your daughter to do her homework…and to do it “smarter.” Your efforts will enrich the basic skills she is learning in class, insure her state-decreed graduation test passage, and ultimately determine how far she goes in life. It seems she is floundering academically not because she can’t master the material, but because she is disorganized. So, organize and “set her up for success” by scheduling an agreeable, but specific, “study time”. Fashion an uncluttered, quiet and well-lit “study place”; furnish her with a pocket notebook to record assignments and discuss with her that finding answers to homework problems is her responsibility, and that you will offer guidance only as needed.

Determine if her homework is “child-friendly” and crafted with a qualitative, not quantitative, purpose; is planned as carefully as the classroom instructions; and is not only graded when turned in but occasionally glamorized with teacher comments honoring improvement as well as perfection.

Try “bibliotherapy” by reading and discussing children’s books with her that describe study hassles. I recommend “Mitch and Amy” by Beverly Bunn Cleary (1967), a story about twin 4th graders who solved their school difficulties (ages 9-11). Another proven resorce: “Winning the homework war” by F. Levine and K. Anesko (1987)

Lastly, pull out the ultimate combat weapon to terminate the homework war: “catch her being good” and sneak into her “study place” armed with a snack, a hug and a word of encouragement.




Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

CHILDHOOD TEACHINGS CARRY INTO ADULTHOOD

I enjoyed being a facilitator in the "Step-Teen" series. That stands for Systematic Training In Effective Parenting- with Teens. One session was devoted to saving childhood from extinction, which I added into the regular outline. Because childhood has neither a past or a future, kids live in the present. This "here and now" interval of development occurs only once, so it's crucial for parents to give their children blissful experiences. Happy adults carry around cheerful childhood memories throughout their lives, wherever they go, well into old age. This seed is planted only in childhood.


Making our children's lives too materialistic is detrimental. We can give our children the most by giving them the least. Many parents have witnessed a climbing tree, empty cardboard box, tiny green worm, or lightning bug delight children more than a high-priced toy ever could.


Happy adults appreciate the free and natural things around them. This enjoyment is learned in childhood. Allowing our children's misbehaviour to go without consequences injures them. As a child, when my father redecorated my bedroom, it meant he built a bookshelf. Today, saying "Go to your room!" won't allow a child to think about his/her wrongdoings if the bedroom is "redecorated" with an air conditioner, color TV set hooked up to several hundred TV cable channels and games, stereo, Nintendo, Pokemon, and computer games. Happy adults comprehend the logical connection between making a poor choice and its negative consequences. This awareness is discovered in childhood.

We must insure our children receive the best education possible. Children who learn to read and write well in school will enjoy life more. Happy adults are intrinsically motivated to learn after their formal schooling has ended. This lifelong learning begins in childhood.

Yes, we carry much of our childhood with us. Acting young helps us stay young...I'm going outside to play.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.